Sunday, December 19, 2010

four letter word

i have a very frustrating relationship with that if you will. i cringe when i hear it because like most americans, i have an issue with instant gratification. i want what i want when i want it. on my time. i even find myself fixing cereal to avoid waiting the 2 minutes for my delicious oatmeal to cook in the microwave. it's ridiculous.
recently that four letter word was an enemy of mine and i could not accept hearing it. i wanted answers immediately, i wanted to know my future. why? so i could stop worrying and stop planning my life around where i want to be in 2, 5, 20 years. i wanted God to clearly speak to me that yes i will get married, yes i will find a job i love, yes i will have kids, yes my life will be perfect (unrealistic, i know); i didn't want to have to wait/worry if my desires will be met.
God, in His perfect love, is screaming to me that i need to STOP PLANNING. stop wishing...and wait.
"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." psalm 37:4
"For I know the plans I have you...plans to give you a hope and a future." jer. 29:11
"Be still and know that I am God." psalm 46:10

sometimes i'm amazed how hard it is for me to let go of my hopes and my fears. and to just be still. and trust the One who loves me most. who DELIGHTS in me.
the times where waiting is near torture are also the times where my relationship with Him strengthens. i am forced to trust Him and search for His comfort and deliverance. He brings us into these circumstances to reveal His glory, not just when the waiting is over, but during the process. i need constant reminder that the way i respond to waiting should reflect my trust in Christ. and then, whatever the outcome...i rejoice.
For He is God, and He is always good.

Friday, December 17, 2010

tattooed reminder

for those whose eyes don't normally wander to the wrists of the person they are talking to, this may be a surprise to you....but i have a tattoo on my wrist. it's a cross with "psalms 25:5" written under it.

"Guide me in Your truth and teach me, for You are God my Savior; all day long my hope is in You."

 this has been such a blessing to me to have this permanently on my body....even though I am fully aware it won't look the same in 30 years.
tonight my heart is heavy. i have had to let something go (for the millionth time) that i begged God to let me keep. i don't think this thing was harmful to me and i have been so lost as to how to deal with the confusion that surrounded this situation; but as I looked down at my tattooed reminder, God was begging me to put my hope in Him during this time. to relinquish any and all plans i had for my life and to trust Him with every aspect of my life. the past few months have been a time of numbing pain and extreme growth. i wouldn't trade it for anything. God has taught me so much, one being how to find joy in my sufferings. How blessed i am to experience a small glimpse of Christ's suffering he went through...for me. my trials have nothing to do with me. it is all for HIS glory. the good times and the hard times should all point to Him. and because He loves me so much, he refines me through the flame. (1 Peter 1:7) not only does He promise to deliver me out of my suffering, but make me stronger because of it! God is good. when i'm tired? Yes. when i'm joyful? Yes. He is ALWAYS good. but better yet, He is constant. His presence, His love, His mercy. if i can learn to put my hope in Him ALONE, i have nothing but good to gain. How unworthy i am, but oh how grateful...
peace and blessings,

Thursday, December 16, 2010


gotcha :]  i've had this blog for awhie and none of you knew it! i even forgot about it myself...however, recently i have been a blog reading fiend and it has inspired me to try it again. i love writing...especially about myself. i mean let's be honest, who doesn't like talking about themselves? but more than that, the blogs i read bless me...each in different ways. women i have never met provide me with hope, encouragment, perspective, and joy. in some insignifcant way i guess i hope to give back a little what has been given to me. if anything, i'll be honest. and through that, if God chooses to use my blog to encourage others (rather than just for my personal venting), glory to Him.