book therapy

"God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: It is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world."- C.S Lewis
Cheesy? who cares...this quote is a beautiful image that suffering brings us to Him more than anything else, so that His glory may be revealed.
the past couple months, my desire for reading has increased tremendously. not too long ago if i asked someone what they like to do in their free time and the response was "read", i'm sure i would smile forcefully and nod but inside i was so confused, yet also jealous. along with yoga (see post below), people who read are classy. i always wanted for my perfect day to consist of tea, books, and a comfy couch, but usually it was spent on facebook, in malls, etc. NOW i can say that reading would be a huge component of my perfect day. God has so graciously brought books like Knowing God, Counterfeit Gods, and Crazy Love (along with the Book of all books) to fill my mind with truth, encourage continual growth in my walk with Christ, and leave me hungry for more of Him and more literary pleasures.
Last night I was reading Counterfeit Gods, an amazing book on the evil of idolatry, when I got a kiss from God (a phrase my mom uses for when we experience something we feel was specifically for us). Tim Keller said that "sometimes God seems to be killing us when he's actually saving us." This seems dramatic, but who can honestly say they have never felt the despair of losing something or having an event change their life completely? and who, in that moment, can look up to Heaven and say "Thank you, God. Thank you for saving me, even if right now I don't necessarily see what from."
not me.
but it's true isn't it? that in that time, we are not equipped to see the big picture. we argue and reason with God that we know what is best for us. Proverbs says that "A man's heart plans his way; but the Lord directs his steps." and does He not promise to know the plans He has for us, to give us a hope and a future (jeremiah 29:11)? So why then, do I continue to beg God to give me my way? It's so challenging to just sit back in relief and remember that while things aren't as I expected, He is redirecting my steps towards His beautiful plan for my life.
Even as I write this, I think back to other seasons of my life where I was so confused and upset that God's ways were not mine, and now I'm overwhelmed with thanks. Now I see what I was blinded by then. Max Lucado put it perfectly when he said "God promises a lamp unto our feet, not a crystal ball into the future." 
God doesn't want me to question Him...I think it's safe to say the all-powerful, all-knowing, Creator of the Universe who chose me and loves me has my life under control. 
Thank you, Abba. Thank you for times where you bring me to my knees in submission to your will, for it is far better than any plan of mine.