discombobulated

it's been two days since i've been back in aggieland. two things i realized in just this amount of time:
1. yoga breathing is not easy- okay. 2nd day of yoga and it's actually going really well...easy i'd even say. i'm pretty flexible, so the poses we have done so far haven't felt too awkward (although i definitely don't look like the instructor). and i feel classy. i always thought people who did yoga were classy, and now i'm one of them :] BUT, the breathing....i'm horrible. i can't do it correctly. while i have mastered breathing in and out of my nose, the whole "relax and extend your stomach and then contract on exhale" thing is impossible for me. if i focus so much on the breathing, i can't do the pose and if i focus on the poses, i don't breath properly. and from what i know about yoga, breathing is like the most important thing. hopefully this will get better with time because it is relaxing so i can only imagine the benefits when i can do it correctly!

 and

2. there is no place like home- i am so grateful for my time at home. my parents were a continual comfort and encouragement to me. i struggled with loneliness a lot this last trip home and although i did not see it then, i believe that was God's way of providing me with sweet, intimate time with Him. i learned more about Him and what He wants for my life in this moment. it's been two days and already my Jesus time has decreased, my mind is filled less and less of Him, and it's unsettling how little amount of time it takes for Satan to pop up more and more. I am fearful because i know what happens when i'm not filling the bulk of my day in the Word or with uplifting books and podcasts(if you haven't read Knowing God by J I Packer....go buy it NOW....incredible). I need Christ. All day. I have a hunger for Him that i have never experienced. it frustrates me when i think about how in two weeks i won't have hours of free time. i want to just spend the whole day with Jesus, undistracted by anything else. I know that is not realistic, but spending time with Him every day is. Just how a couple days of not being home unsettles me and makes me long for it again, so does my soul after a couple days without pursuit of Christ. The benefit of the latter is that I never have leave. in my sinfulness and stupidity, i just choose to.
it's funny how God chooses to use earthly things to open our eyes to our need for Him and to how much greater He can give us.

Matthew 7:11
"If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"

I ask for neverending growth and hunger for my Savior. I ask for continual molding and shaping of my life to reflect His. I ask for comfort and security when my frequent feelings of loneliness and longing come.

Revelation 3:20
"Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me."