outrageous love

these reflect a little of how God has been getting my attention lately and reshaping my heart.

watch this.

and this.





outrageously and unceasingly.
It literally hurts my brain to try and comprehend His love for me, much less live my life as someone who is unconditionally, magnificently loved by the creator of the universe.
I'm speechless.

continued gratitude

I spent a good 30 seconds trying to decide if that title rhymed in the effort of being catchy and creative.
It doesn't. Right?
Now I've said it so many times both the words sound funny.
Whatever.

I have decided that it would be beneficial for my heart to continue to focus on thankfulness. Too often lately I'm dependent on my current situation to determine my state of mind and mood. If life is fun, carefree, and going well in one moment, I'm happy and positive. If another moment I'm stressed, intimidated, or bored, I'm discontent and blah.
I need a heart check. With His help, I want to continually focus on things that I'm thankful for throughout the day. Not only because He desires that, but I want to train my mind to start noticing little gifts He provides me; so many times they go unnoticed. By finding things to be thankful for no matter my situation, my perspective of my day can't help but be changed.


“The psalmist’s point [from Psalm 145:9, 15-16) is that, since God controls all that happens in his world, every meal, every pleasure, every possession, every bit of sun, every nights sleep, every moment of health and safety, everything else that sustains and enriches life, is a divine gift” -Knowing God by J I Packer (READ THIS BOOK!)


Today, I'm thankful for:

• waking up with a full 8 hours of sleep
• this verse
• words with friends iphone app
• finding myself debating on how to spend my afternoon (no looming school assignments the rest of the week!!)
• falling down the stairs, getting only a small scratch and a big laugh with the roommate
• my comfy bed to sit and blog, read, or do homework in. (and sleep, occasionally)
• hearing the birds chirp outside of my room
• being an aggie and the journey to get here
• John Piper and how the Lord uses him to speak truth into my life- "The strength of patience hangs on our capacity to believe that God is up to something good for us in all our delays and detours." 

Give thanks in all circumstances.
I'm just now understanding what this means. I heard this verse a million times. heck, it's even at the top of my page. Whenever I read verses on thanksgiving, I just thought it was a "count your blessings" kind of thing to realize how much God has given to me. While this is true, I have just learned the beauty of giving thanks in every. single. circumstance. It's so easy to do in good times...bad ones are a different story. Anyone in a bad situation can say "thanks God for putting me here because I know you have a purpose for it." But what about gut wrenching, bring you to your knees, painful circumstances where you doubt God's presence? We've all been there. And if not, then it's coming.
I have such a hard time truly and genuinely lifting up my hands and thanking my God in those times. Or even the times that aren't so painful, but just exhausting. Rarely can I, in that moment, stop and thank God with a pure heart. I say it but deep down I'm doing it because I'm supposed to.
Recently, though, God has been reshaping my view of giving thanks. Opening my eyes to see that it's giving Him thanks in every circumstance that allows us to get the focus off of ourselves and onto something constant, unchanging, and dependable. His promises. By giving him thanks we are acknowledging not only our blessings, but His sovereignty. When I truly believe in God and His promises for my life, how can I not genuinely praise Him in every situation? (that's a rhetorical question because obviously I'm a sinner who unfortunately has many times of unbelief)

Paul was way ahead of me when he wrote in Philippians- "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." 


No matter how broken we are by our current circumstance, nothing exalts His name more than one of his children humbly and faithfully coming to Him with thanksgiving. Even thanking Him for the little things.


Today, I'm thankful for-
-early morning workouts with a friend
-oatmeal with fresh strawberries, blackberries, and blueberries
-eyes to see the beautiful, bright sun
-the stillness of an empty house
-time to sit, reflect, and blog

it's about time

two weeks since I have written on here. that tells you how hectic the past few weeks have been if I didn't find the time to do one of my most favorite things.

feels good to be back. 

not to mention, it is officially spring break 2011. i have been waiting for this week all semester. my big plans to be in dallas all week have not disappointed me, yet. funny how there was a time where (while I love my family) going home wasn't at the top of my "places to go over break" list, and now I couldn't think of anything more blissful. 

The giddiness I feel when I first see the Dallas skyline.

Entering downtown traffic and not even caring that someone cut me off.

Pulling up to my house, knowing there will be a little black girl waiting.

Seeing that little black girl's tail wag, watching her disappear, and predicting her return with one of her prized possessions.

Having my parents run out the door, overflowing with genuine joy that I am home, embracing me as if it was their only chance to do so.

Walking in the door, smelling the familiar aromas and experiencing the beautiful house my mom has put her touch all over.

Sitting on the couch gladly answering their multitude of questions about my life, soaking it in, because too many children are without parents who care.

Being followed by my parents the whole first day I'm home because they want to be right where I am, and me, loving it.

Feeling instant peace and blessings over the home God has so graciously brought me in to.

oh, how things have changed. Not too long ago my eyes weren't open to these little gifts from above. A lot of them were annoyances, or went unnoticed.

Now, I ache for them when I'm away and drown myself in them when I am here.

home so very sweet home.

wisdom in the midst of worry

I apologize that my posts are repetitive. Stress is just a major part of my life right now and as much as I wish I had something more entertaining to share with the 2 of you who read this, writing it all out is a type of therapy for me...and a reminder to myself of my constant dependency on His strength and mercy to get me through each moment of every day.

Like today, when all I want to do is crawl in bed and run away from my responsibilities...
"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." (Galatians 6:9)

Or when my self-image is destroyed by the distorted expectations and desires of society....
^"For you created my inmost being;
   you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
   your works are wonderful,
   I know that full well." (Psalm 139:14-15)

When I struggle in accepting and dealing with my present circumstances...
"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation . . . . I can do everything through him who gives me strength." (Philippians 4: 12-13)

When I feel swallowed by my lack of obedience and trust in my God and burdened by my rebellion against Him...

^"Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
   for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
   great is your faithfulness." (Lamentations 3:22-23)

And when I try, time and time again, to control the uncontrollable chaos surrounding me...
Be still, and know that I am God. (Psalm 46:10a)

Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. (Isaiah 40:28-31) 

can I get an "Amen"? 

Pray for me. That I can meditate on these verses and use them to bring my thoughts back to Him and His promises. Pray for the rest of the world...who are just as exhausted and stressed, many of whom are a million times more burdened by their responsibilities in life than I am. Let's all just admit that whether we are living life leisurely with no worries or working full time while going to school and raising a family, we all need Christ. Even in good times. 

Every single person on that spectrum needs His love, His mercy, His strength, and His promises. 

I'm the first to admit it.

silly me...

why do I ever doubt God's desire or even ability to be personal? I have experienced it multiple times, you would think I would realize by now that my God is very, very personal. He loves to bless us with things that we feel is specifically for us in that moment.
In all honesty, my Jesus time has been lacking and as I have said earlier, it is definitely taking its toll on me. This morning, I was reminded that time spent with Him will always be blessed. I can't walk away from hanging out with Jesus and feel more stressed, more burdened, etc.  I normally won't share any part of journal entries I write because it is my intimate reflection and prayer time with God, but today I have to give the Big Man a shout out on cyberspace because I am completely humbled.
"Abba, you know my insecurities and my feelings of inadequacy. More times than not, I can't get past them. They cripple me from letting your light shine out of me. Help me surrender them to you so I can fully find my security in you."

eh...it feels weird sharing such an intimate prayer but there it is. My struggle of letting inadequacies control me.

Now here is where I got goose-bumpy and giddy...I opened my "Jesus Calling" devotional book and turned to February 22.
First sentence-"You need Me every moment."
As if the first sentence wasn't enough to grab my attention, this followed soon after:
"Your inadequacy presents you with a continual choice--deep dependence on Me, or despair. The emptiness you feel within will be filled either with problems or My presence."
Completely and totally for me. Why despair when I can be dependent on the one who works everything for the GOOD who love Him (Romans 8:28)?


God loves me. What a blessing to be reminded of my need for Him every second of every day. Too many times my focus is everywhere around me, when everything I need or want is right above me.

First thing first, my amazing father just turned a year older, so in celebration I need to brag on him a bit. I have recently developed a much greater respect for this awesome man of God. The way he loves the Lord reflects how he loves his family and others. Daddy, I am so overwhelmed at how much bless me. God is so great. Your leadership, responsibility, patience (lots of patience), and love you provide our family is immensely appreciated.
I will always be your little girl.

On a completely unrelated note...I survived this past week. There were definitely a few times where I did not see the end in sight. Started the week off with a bang when I unintentionally pulled an all-nighter and it was pretty much downhill from there. I was stressed and whiny and I'm sure not pleasant to be around..I was NOT doing everything without grumbling or complaining (phil. 2:14) OR working at everything with all my heart, as for the Lord, not men (col. 3:23).
THEN as if I didn't need another thing for God to throw in my face, I went to go see the screening of Beware of Christians on Thursday. You can read about the movie by clicking on the link but the movie opened with this quote-
“The single greatest cause of atheism in the world today is Christians, who acknowledge Jesus with their lips, then walk out the door, and deny Him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable”
whoa.
let's just say I walked out of the theater and haven't been able to get the movie off my mind since. I reflect on my life and am heavy hearted at how little I radiate Jesus. Are my actions in line with what I believe? Do I treat my classmates or people on the street in love? Do I take every opportunity to share with others the best decision I ever made? Majority of the time, no.
Do I contribute to the negative feelings others have towards Christians? Do people even know I am Christ follower?
These questions are sobering to me. What actions am I taking to show the Jesus that saves and loves and satisfies to everyone I come in contact with?

^"What I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the roofs."

Matthew 10:27
Thank you Father, for continuing to change my heart and shape me into a woman who wants to radically and unconditionally follow you. I have a lot of work to do, but Your hand will guide me. Keep my heart hungry for You.